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Testimony of Candie Lewallen
~My Testimony~
When I was younger I looked up to my father alot but he was so verbally abusive to my mother they always fought, so adventually one day they got in a big fight and my dad pulled out a gun from underneath the matress and right there infront of me and my sisters he tried to shot hisself he didnt pull the trigger and was probably drunk and didnt realise the outcome but still it affected me from that day til the the day I gave my heart to the lord. Well after that his mother Judy for some reason never liked me much I dont understand why but who knows, but anyways she said some things to me; Like after mom and dad split up she told me it was my fault when I was young, so I believed that for the longest time because I would do stuff like pinch myself and blame it on mom and cause them to argue so I thought well maybe she was right..remember I was a young kid then..years went by of me feeling like my sisters were better than me because everyone picked them over me or thats how I felt. Getting made fun of at school everyday of my life didnt help either. I became very depressed and suicidel. That wasn't the farthest I ever got away from god though.
When my 16th birthday came I was determined to get out of this house and go live with my friends because me and my mom always fought back then. When I moved in over there I thought life was so good. I started smoking pot everynight when I got off work I found some way to get a buzz I thought I was getting away from it all, I was wrong. I went a hole year smoking pot and drinking ever chance I got I loved it more than I loved myself. Well while I was there I had to learn to control my temper because the women I was living with was more hot tempered than I ever imagined to be, so I had to learn to always keep my mouth shut because you never knew when she was going to blow up, After I seen that in her I couldn't wait til friday came around I would make up every exscuse in the world to come to my moms house and I tryied to move back in a few times but they would always talk me out of it even though I really wanted to get away from that my nerves couldnt take it anymore.
Thank the lord, Clint my stepdad asked me to start working with him it was hard to tell them it was hard to get out of there we fought about it a few times but I was determined not to give in to it that time. One day me and mom was talking about hell and I started thinking..."Hell" its a place of NO GOOD no safety no comfort and it scared me because I knew if I died right that second thats where I would be going on judgement day.
The next few days I thought about becomeing a christian but the devil messed with my head so much telling me I had already sinned to much god doesn't want me, and you will never change your to stuborn to change, if you get saved you'll mess up the next day whats the point Candie.
About the third night I decided ok, i'll try to do this so I began to pray and ask god to take my pride away so that I could go to the altar the next sunday because I thought that was the only way to be saved...I was wrong about that too..after praying to god for awhile to take my pride away I started drifting off to sleep and then I started speaking in tounges it scared me because I didn't think that would ever happen to me and I just wasnt expecting it. So I layed there for a few minutes and from then on I felt this peace..and happiness the 1st time I have ever been happy and it was because of Jesus Christ....I wish I would have known that sooner I have been unhappy my hole life and felt a void but that night I changed I am not the same person I was when I layed down in bed that night and I praise and thank god that he didn't give up on me as much as he tryied to open the door to my heart and I slamed the door in his face. THANK YOU JESUS for not giving up on me I went years and years and years with a hard heart I thought I would never let him in but now that I did he's never coming out its the best feeling I have ever had in my hole life....to everyone out there who does what I did running around trying to find happiness theres no hope in this wicked world the only true happiness you can find is the hope of seeing Jesus Christ in heaven...and no matter what kind of stupid reason you get in your head not to make that step to the altar its the devil trying to keep u away from this feeling of happiness, peaceful its to hard to explain,but once you feel it you will never turn back and even if you do it wont be long til your at the altar again because God doesnt lose hope or love for his children and we are all his children just dont do what I did for so long and I use to think being a christian would be the most boring thing in the world but it doesnt change you it just changes your heart and your love for god when you give your life to him you desire to know more and more of his word. Just trust me theres no other feeling out there like this...~my testimony~...Candie Lewallen
Im going to heaven now and I can say it with no doubt in my mind!!!!
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